How to look and act like a professional veterinarian.

How to look and act like a professional veterinarian.

1. When you wake up early in the morning, you dont have to comb your hair, just put a surgical cap on. Just pretend you are going to have a major surgery on. This is important because it can eliminates bad hair day and save money from your barber. Plus it make you look like a specialist.

2. Adjust your spectacles frequently when you talk. If you don't have spec's get one, this is important as clients tend to think vet are nerds. It is better if you have rim-lines on your face due to constant wearing of heavy specks.

3. Never joke or smile and nerver ever laugh. Be serious. This provides an enigma to your personality. Look puzzled when someone tells a joke.
P.S. Even if you fart in front of everybody and observe the destruction dont even have a smirk on your face.

4. Wear a lab coat around. It will be better if you sprinkle some dog or cat fur on it before you go out. Spill some tomato ketchup on the side and say it was blood.

5. When you write, write as incoherent as possible as if youre writing egytian hierogryphlics. If others ask what does it says just shake you head and say what you wrote quickly as if doing a tongue twister. This prevents any medical blame falling on to you. Besides it is a prerequiste to have a bad handwriting to be a doctor.

6. When you talk to others try to include as many medical terms as possible even though people don't understand you. Example when you're talking to your neighbour:-

Normal ppl: Damn last nite nite got a lot of mosquito. Cant sleep lah.
Veterinarian: I notice there is a lot of papules on your skin? Did it illicit any neurological response? Is it pruritic? I hope there is no digital response.

Normal ppl: ( He is blank for a moment and stares at the vet in the face not knowing what the hell is he talking about, but in order to save face he pretends to know what the vet is talking about. So he thinks that the vet is talking about his dog.)
Yeah, the dog seems a bit funny today.

Veterinarian: ( Satisfied with his cryptic message he intends to do more damage). I suggest I do a through physical exam on him.

Normal ppl: ( He is happy that he can understand what the vet says and goes on with the story line)
Yeah, just do what you do lah. (He brings his dog over)

Veterinarian: ( Checks the dog and makes a loud sighing sound eventhough the dog is healthy)
I think there could be an underlying problem, I guess we will have to see the progression.

Normal ppl: OK.

Veterinarian: That will do for now. By the way, I'll let my nurse send you the bill. See you tommorow .( The vet is happy consultation fee will cover for his golf game this afternoon.)
If you don't have a nurse, let your wife or your mother become a nurse, to take care of the money collecting activity.

7. When someone aproach you with their pet, talk to the pet first as if the pet is human an capable of speech, ignore the client first as if he/she is a dog barking his head off. This shows that you care for their pets. Then politely say to the client "Could you repeat everything you just said?" with a smile. Then continue to talk to the pet and ask the client to repeat what he/she says.

8. Complain to everyone that you have not even have your breakfast eventhough it is dinner time. Say that you had a super busy day and had cases here and there to do. This is usually a good pick up line for clients of the opposite sex. They usually instictively offer you a free dinner.

9. Put as many vet-books in your shelf near your examining table. It is better if you put many bookmarks in them. Pour coffee on some of it, as if you doze of and accidentaly spilt coffee on them while you were studying.

10. --This line is deleted to avoid offending normal people--