Great Movie

I watch a lot of movies. However there are some movies which we all can watch a few more times and dont get bored.

One movie is 50 first dates.

Wonderful soundtrack and good dialogue. People there are so happy.

Wouldn't it be nice if every single day we get to be swept off our feet.

Please Hear What I'm Not Saying

Don't be fooled by me.

Don't be fooled by the face I wear

for I wear a mask, a thousand masks,

masks that I'm afraid to take off,

and none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,

but don't be fooled,

for God's sake don't be fooled.

I give you the impression that I'm secure,

that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well

as without,

that confidence is my name and coolness my game,

that the water's calm and I'm in command

and that I need no one,

but don't believe me.

My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,

ever-varying and ever-concealing.

Beneath lies no complacence.

Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.

But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.

I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.

That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,

a nonchalant sophisticated facade,

to help me pretend,

to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only hope,

and I know it.

That is, if it's followed by acceptance,

if it's followed by love.

It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,

from my own self-built prison walls,

from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.

It's the only thing that will assure me

of what I can't assure myself,

that I'm really worth something.

But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to, I'm afraid to.

I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,

will not be followed by love.

I'm afraid you'll think less of me,

that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.

I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing

and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,

with a facade of assurance without

and a trembling child within.

So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,

and my life becomes a front.

I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.

I tell you everything that's really nothing,

and nothing of what's everything,

of what's crying within me.

So when I'm going through my routine

do not be fooled by what I'm saying.

Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,

what I'd like to be able to say,

what for survival I need to say,

but what I can't say.

I don't like hiding.

I don't like playing superficial phony games.

I want to stop playing them.

I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me

but you've got to help me.

You've got to hold out your hand

even when that's the last thing I seem to want.

Only you can wipe away from my eyes

the blank stare of the breathing dead.

Only you can call me into aliveness.

Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,

each time you try to understand because you really care,

my heart begins to grow wings--

very small wings,

very feeble wings,

but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling

you can breathe life into me.

I want you to know that.

I want you to know how important you are to me,

how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator--

of the person that is me

if you choose to.

You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,

you alone can remove my mask,

you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic,

from my lonely prison,

if you choose to.

Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.

It will not be easy for you.

A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.

The nearer you approach to me

the blinder I may strike back.

It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man

often I am irrational.

I fight against the very thing I cry out for.

But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls

and in this lies my hope.

Please try to beat down those walls

with firm hands but with gentle hands

for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?

I am someone you know very well.

For I am every man you meet

and I am every woman you meet.

Charles C. Finn

September 1966

Thoughtful article taken from Siew Yin

Francis Lobo

My favourite client- Francis Lobo

Looking Back

Reminiscing my graduation.

Oliver, Randolf, Mangla, Fred, Dennis, Khairi, Ting, Nik Mah, Cecilia, Dayanie, Jessie, Ummi, Khairil, Liza, Kamarulrizal, Pamela, Foong Yan, Ping Yin, Leo, Siew Yin, CK, DOBOT, Mark and Chris I miss u guys.

I wish I could walk the faculty walkways again,
Feel the rush before the final exams,
Smell the food at the canteen faculty,
Drink the sweet hot cup of tea before morning rounds,
Ride my bike to the faculty,
Getting pass the crummy guards.

Being in class,
Trying feel the enthusiam my lecturers felt,
Eventhough Randolf, Oli and me were out until 5am the whole night,
Doing things we knew that we were not supposed to do,
Sitting next to Pamela,
The encylopedia,
Sitting in front of Dayanie and Cecilia,
My forever critiques and motivator.

Feeling the tension in the wards,
Getting exposed to unnecessary radiation in the x-ray room,
Listening to Palan's musings about the dogs,
Smelling the stench of post-mortem,
Snuggling my feet into my tiny boots,
Changing into coveralls for van-rides,

Surgery day,
All day long,
Prepping,
Scolding,
Trying to sit,
I love the way every thing that can go wrong in surgery goes wrong,
Dr. Rashid, my teacher you're the greatest.
Only now I understand what you meant.

Dr. N Cheng and Chen,
Brilliant medicine,
A step further from the pack,
I am amaze now as I was before,

I love the way our house felt like,
The house Oli, Randolf and me shared,
I like the way the fridge has always have 'tuhow',
I like the way our weeds grew in front of my windows,
I like the way we all played PS2,
I miss listening to Oli's guitar,
Sharing drinks with Oli,
Sharing my neverending problems,
Listening.
Still we had the most beautiful toilet walls.

I love my room,
The walls which I still remember painting,
White all around,
White sheets,
My CAT,
Big fan,
Dennis's revolving chair on my desk.

Our PARTIES,
Paper cups & paper plates,
FRED-him with his moods,
Barbeque-marinated lamb and chicken wings,
From Southcity Giant,
Thank you Ting for daring to go out with me,
That was quite a feat carrying our shopping stuff in a tiny bike.

Well time can never stood still,
I am here now,
Away from you all,
Those who are going through a rough patch now,
Hang on!
Those of you are in cloud nine,
Count your blessings.

I am honoured to be able to know you all.

Camera Tests...

Well I got up early this morning to test the camera. Apparently my models were not as enthusiactic as me for a photo-shoot.

Buying A Camera

Well the time has come to get a new camera. I wouldnt want to be stuck with a 2.0 Megapixel Kodak EasyShare camera forever.

Probaly I'll get this. The price is right. RM 488. It's 7.2 Megapixel. Come to think of it, the last good camera I had was a Canon Ixus 2.0 Megapixel also.

The main reason why I am getting this camera because the last dog show Nookie(my gsd pup) which she won best puppy in show, I didnt have a single good picture. All was from my sis hp.

The thing about technology, IN MY OWN PERSONAL OPINION, no pun intended, is that there is no use in getting the most sophisticated gizmo at the point of time when you are seriously considering to buy.

Like last time when I bought my second last PC. It was an AMD Athlon P-166 Megahertz. At that time which I bought it, the fastest processor was a Pentium 200Mhz. Pentium MMX have nout even arrived yet. For the next two months or so I was very contended with my CPU. Until Pentium 233Mhz arrived and 3D cards start floodin in. Damn I really felt I needed an upgrade.

However, I realized, why in the whole world would I need the fastest CPU.

For god sake... Vanity is man greatest weakness.

Visiting Vet.

This week was quite memorable, I had one visiting vet, Dr. Dennis Lim my classmate to hang around in the clinic. He is very advance... We even had one client who has the hots for him. The client too was one pretty lady. Well the best of luck for him on his journey to UK.

Then I had one new assistant, Mr. James Tan. He is a master student doing part time work here.

Well other than that not much.